aRiyEl :)’s Blog

it started with a glance, and I didn’t know that I’d fall this deep.. I wanted you to look at me, notice me and love me too. but it can only happen in my dreams.. i wanted to stop those dreams from appearing yet I also wanted to keep you even if, only in my dreams..

Everyday, I wish you were mine to keep..

Every night, I stay up just thinking of you..

i wanted you to care for my heart. i wanted you to stop my yearnings for you. i can’t just stop loving you now. i just can’t stop love. i can’t stop the beating of my heart. i can’t stop looking at you. i can’t stop wanting for more. i can’t stop lovig more and more each day…

For you are an UNEXPECTED ADDICTION, and i can’t control it so.

those sweet words. the walks he offered. the flowers he gave. his confession to me. his identity. it’s all lies. he tells me he loves me but he’s never there for me. he says he’s never made a girl cry but what about me? he’s made me comfortable, made me his, temporarily. but it was all lies.

he said he’ll be there for me from now on. but where is he now? why isn’t he coming? has he given up? given up for love. he said to wait but it’s been months. until when will he make me wait? he said he’ll stop being too close with other girls but why does he keep on going to them? he promised so many things yet none of them has been done. was it all talk? maybe it’s because.. he doesn’t love me.

NOT MY STORY.

just can’t understand why he likes her..

just can’t understand why she so popular and have so many adoring her.

she’s so ugly, her voice is so high-pitch. i can’t stand listening to her voice nor looking at her face.

i just wanna puke when i see her. i wanna show the world that i’m better than her. she’s too skinny and yet don’t know how to dance.

so many guys drooling over her yet she’s not pretty.
why does she have to be like that?
why does she have to be so “perfect” for THEM.???

i hate her so much that i just wanna die looking at her walk.
just don’t get why so many people line up just to be with her.

just don’t get why it has to be her.
just don’t get why i am like this.. loving a guy who likes this girl i truly HATE..

people come, shows up with flowers, stuffed toys and handwritten letters to say “i love you” yet all i see is a waste of time and money. they get dumped and go to another just like they are their SECOND option.

well i don’t like being an second option anymore. i wanna be first for once, just a chance to make me feel what it feels like being first..

dreaming about it just kills me even more. stabbing me at the back, deeper and deeper every time. over and over again i crawl out if bed finding love and warmth. i’m tired of finding nothiing.

again and again, i’m wishing for him to be just by my side.. but then i’m just a second option or choice.

people say alot of things about you now. they don’t seem to know that i’ve moved on.. do i have to spell everything out to them too? cause i’m tired from telling everything to you.. was it not enough that i’ve put your heart on the peek of a mountain? the things i did, weren’t they enough to show you i’ve moved on and never coming back? giving you those glares, throwing all your apologies away. why should i come back to you when i know that you’d do things like that all over again..

do i look like i care? why should i listen to the things people who only know half of the thing that happened? shan’t i give you my precious heart once more? you know i don’t want it to shatter once more.. why should i answer your calls when i know you’ve got nothing to say.. why should things go back when things weren’t even moved from its proper places..

again and again, you come back to me and ask for forgiveness. wasn’t it enough for you to see me suffer inside when you’re crawling back to me?

isn’t enough, huh?

You ask me how my day was as if it is same everyday
I say Im okay but you really dont know how I feel
Do you think Ill be okay without you?
Are you okay without me?
The world without you is so hard that I blame myself for still breathing

What should I do?
Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me

Are we too late?
Dow we not have a chance?
I still think about you and you might know this
Finally is it this?
Are we going to end like this? Is it okay with you?
I dont think I can do it.
The love I find with you, I wont find it anywhere even if I die

What should I do?
If it isnt you no one else can hold my heart
Please hold me.
And you know that even though the whole world tries to
No one can erase your memories.
So please hold me

What should I do?
Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do

Are you living each day painfully like I am?

You and me

Is it too late?
Do we not have a chance?

• But me, I still think about you, and you might not know.

• jisun’s what do i do.. BOF ost track

tonight, i’m wishing that I held on longer.  too bad i had let go so early. now i’m just wandering off in the memories i’m left with. don’t wanna move, don’t wanna love anymore. wish we could have stayed strong. wish we could have been there for each other all along. i know goodbyes hurt,yet it is a new beggining but letting you go with one teardrop is just not enough.. the days under the sky and the other days where you’d whisper to my ear that you love me.. wish it was never to end.

locked up in between these walls.. there’s no other way out.. i could have held on longer. you know that this can’t go on, but i still don’t know why you had to go.. temporarily, i died, on a cold summer night. lying here on the ice, i feel cold all over. there’s no one left to run to. wish you were here. days are stripping away, yet i lie here with open eyes, still could not see what’s ahead and avoiding the chances to do so. why is it so hard for me?

now, i don’t want to go.. i don’t want to move., there’s no reason for me to leave my temporary sleep..  i hope that you’re happy,   wherever you are now. i wish you are happy with whoever you’re with now.. i wish you’re smiling.. now that i’m GONE.

just like paper, i’m being used but thrown, written on yet is torn and lastly passed on and yet burnt.. sometimes i want to be like cellphones and computers… because people use them for hours and yet not contented, they break it and make sure to  it is fixed.. but what hppens to paper when it is torn? it’s being thrown, and no one bothers to take care of it..

see? i’m just paper.. used and torn.

friendly and easy-going, i am that girl. the girl whom you thought you’d own if you’d trick me and even the girl whom you thought was easy to handle. yeah i was that girl. but ever since i met you i’ve changed, a lot. i learned to do this my way and get the things i wanted.

being strong as possile, you know you’d never get me back, after the things you played on me, it can never happen again. for i’m born again, but not as the girl who would always cry for help as the girl who helps. things are brighter and clearer for me now that you’re out of my way.

staying optimist as i could be, strive for better things in life, like a better lover and better friends. but somehow i know something’s missing. but what could it be? what could be pulling me back to the memories? everything went blurred again for me as soon as the memories came flooding my thoughts.

i became weak. i became my old self again, longing for shelter and your touch. i wanted to be complete but it seems that nothing or no one’s coming back after i’ve pushed them away. things became more diffucult for me to swallow. then right before i gave up, there you were, smiling at me. we said our apologies and explainations became one again. i got my life back with you and the others.

hmm.. did you think it was another fiction? haha no it isn’t. but you never thought i’d be a girl who’ll try anything just to strive for the best didn’t you? well, i’m still not the girl you thought i am.

i woke up one morning finding out that my heart was gone. i tried to look for it but i ended up with you. i was about to go but then i saw my heart, you were holding it, i was thankful because somehow i knew my heart was safe. you took me to the paradise i thought that only exsisted in my dreams and now i know that you’re the one, the one who will save me and the one who will show me the right way.

we were having a great time. days flew us by and somehow we didn’t know. one day came and you weren’t there. i went looking everywhere but i couldn’t catch a single glimpse of you. tired and lonely, i walk by the ocean, looking at the water suddenly reminds me of the times we’ve spent. too many flashbacks, too many memories. i continued walking without knowing where to go.

a time came that i suddenly bumped into you but i didn’t recognize you. i ended up by my house and then suddenly i broke through. waking up the next day, seeing a letter written by you. you said goodbye and that you’re sorry. but i didn’t feel your apology. i never felt more hurt ever since the last time i was betrayed. i thought i already forgot about that feeling but now it’s coming back.

now looking at things differently i realized that my life used to be great. but where is it now? where has it gone to? i feel that my heart was just torn apart a million times but somehow i felt great. i said to myself i’d never trust anyone with my heart ever again. i wondered when things are going to be greater but the passing days were as awful as the first time i got my heart broken. i knew that things aren’t what they’re before.

and now i know that people change so fast. that’s why i can’t trust anyone anymore with my heart.. coz love is the wind, it will just pass you by.